Monday, January 26th, 2009

I love the song “First Steps” by Jim Brickman, and for those of you that know me…well, you know I love anything and everything by him!  This was the song I walked down the aisle to at our wedding…on the arm of my daddy.  I had rehearsed it so many times in my mind.  I would listen to the song and knew the exact moment we were to begin walking.  I can still hear daddy saying “Aren’t’ we supposed to go now?” on the day of our wedding.  I would look at him and say, “No, not yet.”.  He stood patiently beside me, trusting that I knew the perfect moment.  I suppose he couldn’t help but feel he needed to ask again, as I just continued standing there, absorbing all that was before me.  He nudged me again and looked down at me and said, “Now?”…”No, not yet.”, I replied.  Finally, I looked up in amazement at him and said “Daddy, I think we missed it!”.  So, we began our walk!  Later I learned that John’s best man (such a great guy and special friend, Ben) looked at John teasingly and said, “Do you think she has changed her mind?”.  Not a chance…but, I just may have had everyone wondering for a minute or so!

So, it is now that I feel this song is rather fitting again, as I take my “first steps” into blogworld…well, officially.  I thought today would be a good day to really initiate this little jewel since I am turning 35 years old and kinda feel like I am taking my “first steps” into the area of new adventures, new growth, new opportunities, and new beginnings of my life.  I also chose this day for a really special reason.  Today, my Granny Jenkins would be 96 years old.  Yes, we share the same birthday!  What fun we have had over the years calling each other on this day and teasingly saying, “How is YOUR birthday?”…”Well, how is YOURS?”.  Today is a beautiful day but also a sad one because I cannot call her today.  She passed away the day after Christmas, and although she was 95 years old…well, I honestly think we all thought she might just live forever.  🙂  She was such a fighter…sassy, cute, beautiful…we had the best times together.  I have such sweet memories with her.  As a little girl talking her to sleep at night when we went to visit her in Florida…I can still hear me saying, “Granny, are you asleep?”.   (I know, I know…me, talking someone to sleep?!…Not a chance!)  She passed away in her sleep so I am so thankful she did not suffer, and she did have a long, beautiful life.  However, there is still sadness  because I realize I cannot pick up the phone and call her or plan a visit to see her again.  But, I do have some of the best memories I can relive in my heart and mind!

It just so  happened that this past summer I had the opportunity to get to see her.  John was working in Florida for business so I flew down with him and planned a surprise visit for granny.  My parents met us in Florida so we could also enjoy time together, and the 3 of us drove to see her while John was working.  I will not ever forget walking up to her, calling her, and watching her turn to see me.  The biggest smile came on her face, and she said,  “Oh, Ann-Margaret, it’s you!”.  With us living in Kuwait and then immediately moving to Virginia, I had not seen her in a few years so this was truly a joyous moment.  I have always been close to her, writing her long letters, calling her, sending her surprises all along, but this was the day that will forever be one of my most treasured.  You know what they say…if you had known that was the last time you would have seen her would you have done anything differently?  No, I wouldn’t because as I look back on that day and the following day (we drove back to see her again), I think about the number of times I saw her sweet smile, I heard that little giggle that only Granny J does, we “touched noses” (a little something I’m known for), I held her hand, we ate tacos together, we talked about jewelry (which she always loved), we chatted about Tucker (she loved him…seeing pictures of him and hearing all about what he was into), and we were “just”…just together, just living, just being…all that we could be to each other in those moments.

And, it was even more special because my parents were there, and I knew it meant so much to my daddy to see us getting to share those moments together.  I didn’t tell her that we would be going back the next morning so it was a surprise all over again.  It was such a fun day!  We had lunch again, sat on the porch and watched the birds, and I just tried to absorb as much of her as I could.  Many of you know that my degree is in Social Work (and, yes, it does come in quite handy sometimes even with running my own business!), and I have always loved the elderly (I think it started way back when I was about 5 yrs old or so when I would go to the nursing home to see my great-grandmother Mamie…it was her home where the tea room was created.  I am so thankful my mom took me to the nursing home at a young age…ever since then, I have just loved “angel babies”…I’ll share more about this later!).  Well, Granny Jenkins was in a nursing facility since she had fallen many times in the past and really needed around the clock care.  It was hard for me to see her away from her home, her flowers (She loved flowers and growing all kinds of unique ones!), with her animals (She loved dogs and cats.), and just in “her element” of her own home as I had always known her to be.  However, I tried to quickly think about the fact that she had someone with her all the time just in case she needed help, and I realized that she was ok there. She had made friends, all the staff loved her (Many came by during my visit calling out to her or stopping to love on her.), and she seemed happy and looked so good.  As I left that last day, I think I remember thinking “What if this is the last time I see her?”.  But, I realized I had looked deeply into her eyes during my visit, and she had mine…I realized that we had connected and that our connection would always be in our hearts, …and,  I realized that I knew that she knew how I loved her.  I told her in letters, through my visits all those years, on the phone, and this time, as we held hands, I know she felt my love for her.  And, I know that today she is in a beautiful place!  She is surrounded by beautiful flowers that she loves, and she is being CELEBRATED today!  I know she is looking down at me and sending me special birthday wishes…I know she is right here in my heart celebrating with me.

I would love to be sharing a giant cupcake with her today, but I know she is with me on this special day.  I have always thought it was so special that I shared my birthday with one of my grannies.  Today, I am thinking of all those memories and feeling blessed for my time with her.

Today, this post is created in honor of my special Granny Jenkins and my daddy…because I know she is especially on his heart today, too.

I love you, Daddy!

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